Valuable Lessons Learned in the Darkness
One of the greatest graces that I am receiving as a result of my precious son’s death (and I believe that it is Brett that is praying for this) is a growing awareness of the Holiness of God. This inevitably leads to a growing awareness of my own sinfulness and smallness. As a matter of fact, I am learning that the distance between myself and an ant doesn’t even compare to the profound and infinite distance between me and God.
I had always somewhat “known” this intellectually but in practice it did not guide my thoughts, preoccupations, hopes & desires, fears, joys, actions, etc. In reality, I was guided by many illusions. I had reduced God to my “Prosperity Gospel” God and I had developed a spirit of entitlement and presumption. I wrongly believed that if I did A, B & C…I would obtain my “paradise” here in earth where each one of my children and my husband would be living a full, abundant Catholic life. I believed that if I persevered in prayer and sacrifice, they would eventually and even automatically be converted and all would be well with our souls here and now.
As a result of this, I ignored the red flags the Holy Spirit raised in my heart from time to time when Brett said or did something; at the very most, I rationalized that he was an adult; that his actions and beliefs were temporary and would eventually give way to a conversion because of my prayers and sacrifices for him. I based this on my own personal journey to conversion. After all, didn’t I behave the same way at his age and didn’t I need to find out the hard way that God really is the answer to all of the restless longings of my heart?
I would tell Brett what I thought about his actions and he would always say: “Mom, just like you, when I am in my 30’s I know I will be more into the Catholic Faith.” That statement would cause my red flags to go down and a false peace to settle in. Two weeks before he died, I raised my concerns to him again and, once again, he answered the same way: “Mom, when I am in my 30’s…” This time I said to him: “Brett, you might not have that much time.” Even when I said those words, I didn’t really believe them. I thought I was doing my part – pointing out to him the right path (in addition to praying and sacrificing for him) and that it was inevitable that he would be converted. I looked forward to his 30’s when we would be one in the Spirit.
It was truly a “dark night” in my soul when he died suddenly & unexpectedly two weeks later. In no way did I see this coming. It was a complete blindside. I felt like I was placed into a completely dark room with no light at all. I had to learn to live in this darkness. Everything that I had believed up to this point - many things that I had learned for the past 20 years of walking closely and intimately with the Lord, were of no help to me at that moment. I had to relearn/reevaluate many things I thought I could count on.
Even though at first I felt abandoned and rejected by God, I somehow was able to “offer up” (open up) each wave of grief to God. This gave Him the opportunity to pour His love into my heart and His strength into my spirit in order to empower me to unite my mortal anguish with his perfect sacrifice to be used for other people. For me, this was a true sacrifice of praise and trust – for it was offered in the midst of mortal anguish, darkness and confusion.
Eventually, it was as if my “eyes” adjusted to the darkness and I could see that God was present there; he had been there all along. He had never left us. He was carrying us and teaching me things I needed to learn. Here are just a few that relate to this post:
This life is truly NOT paradise; the next life is if we live & die in God's grace.
God is far more concerned with Eternity than this life.
We cannot box God in with our earthly hopes & dreams. His ways are so far above our ways…
The “prosperity Gospel” is an insidious lie. God does not promise prosperity. He promises the cross and His presence in our suffering and the grace to make it redemptive.
Free will matters.
In time, God will bring a greater good out of every suffering.
God’s holiness is profoundly underestimated.
Our sinfulness and need for penance is profoundly underestimated.
Presumption & misunderstanding about his mercy and grace are rampant.
God provides everything we need to become a pure offering through His Church.
But…Our cooperation with His grace matters.
We truly need to be “watchful” and “ready.” We do not know the day or the hour when our earthly life will end.
If we truly love others we will make sure they are fully aware of these truths.
The Communion of Saints, indulgences and Purgatory are much needed consolations for a grieving heart.
NEVER ignore red flags - the still, small voice of the Holy Spirit. A red flag is an invitation from God to pay closer attention to something; to seek His counsel for a situation; to act in a more intentional way, in a different way. God is letting us know that what we have been doing up to that point is not adequate. Something more is needed and God will guide us if we persevere.
I believe that God saved Brett’s soul and that is how he used my previous prayers and sacrifices on his behalf. But, Brett was not prepared to die. He did not understand the concept of “temporal consequences” for his sins and the need for penance. Because of this, I also believe that there is a good chance that Brett is in Purgatory and needs my help to reach full union with God. The Communion of Saints and Indulgences are a wonderful way for me to assist him. It is truly a win/win because, I have something concrete and effective to do with my grief. But not only that, as I grow in holiness, my prayers and actions for Brett and all the Holy Souls in Purgatory will be more effective. God could not have given me a more powerful incentive to combat my sins and bad habits! Each day, I wake up and pray this prayer:
MORNING OFFERING
O my God, in union with the Immaculate Heart of Mary (here kiss your Brown scapular as a sign of your consecration – this carries a partial indulgence). I offer Thee the Precious Blood of Jesus from all the altars throughout the world, joining with it the offering of my every thought, word and action of this day.
O my Jesus, I desire today to gain every indulgence and merit I can, and I offer them together with myself, to Mary Immaculate, that She may best apply them to the interests of Thy Most Sacred Heart. Precious Blood of Jesus, save us! Sorrowful and Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us! Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us!
I then do my best to live this out all day.
The doctrine and practice of gaining indulgences is a wonderful source of healing for a grieving heart because it gives the person something concrete and effective to "do" with the waves of grief that can literally drown him/her. Through this union with the cross of Christ, the waves become living water and, instead of a cause for drowning, they flow away from the person and to other people as a cause for healing.
I feel that the Lord has led me to this treasure in the Church as a way of assisting him on his journey to full union with God and, as a result, it has opened my eyes & heart to the needs of all the Holy Souls in Purgatory. Indulgences are a wonderful way to help the holy souls!
Learn about Indulgences here
Recently I taught a class on indulgences and I noticed a wonderful connection between the Sunday Mass readings from the following Sunday, November 19 (scroll down to read them) and Indulgences (doubling our investment). But first here is a little background information:
From the New Catholic Encyclopedia:
The value of an indulgence depends on “the action itself of the faithful who perform a work to which an indulgence is attached.”
Two elements specify the value of such an action:
1. The charity of the one performing the act.
2. The degree to which the act itself is performed in a more perfect way.
Further, an indulgence is “a remission of punishment through the intervention of the Church, that equals the value of the action as performed by the person” (Indulgentiarum Doctrina - Paul VI).
In other words, as it grants an indulgence the Church promises to MATCH THE MERIT - DOUBLE THE VALUE - that accrues to the person who seeks the indulgence and performs the required work.
What I love about the "matching the merit" part is that it is a wonderful incentive to grow in holiness in order to help the loved one in purgatory. The more charity present in the action/prayer, the more merit is matched. It is a win/win - actually a win/win/win if other people are involved depending on the indulgence.
One of the Four General Grants is: "A partial indulgence is granted to the faithful who, while carrying out their duties and enduring the hardships of life, raise their minds in humble trust to God and make, at least mentally, some pious invocation (e.g., 'Jesus I trust in you', 'Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner', 'Jesus, Mary, and Joseph', 'All for Jesus', etc.)."
I see this grant as applying to the first reading from Proverbs 31. When we are fulfilling the duties of wife and mother and offering up the hardships that we face as an indulgence for the Holy Souls in Purgatory, we are "doubling the merit" for them (5 talents earning another 5).
The matching merit comes from the Treasury of Merit - "I am the vine, you are the branches. He who remains in me will bear much fruit..."
Reading 1: Proverbs 31:10-13, 19-20, 30-31
When one finds a worthy wife, her value is far beyond pearls. Her husband, entrusting his heart to her, has an unfailing prize.
She brings him good, and not evil, all the days of her life. She obtains wool and flax and works with loving hands. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her fingers ply the spindle. She reaches out her hands to the poor, and extends her arms to the needy. Charm is deceptive and beauty fleeting; the woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her a reward for her labors, and let her works praise her at the city gates.
Gospel: MT 25:14-15, 19-21
Jesus told his disciples this parable: "A man going on a journey called in his servants and entrusted his possessions to them. To one he gave five talents; to another, two; to a third, one-- to each according to his ability. Then he went away. After a long time the master of those servants came back and settled accounts with them. The one who had received five talents came forward bringing the additional five. He said, 'Master, you gave me five talents. See, I have made five more.' His master said to him, 'Well done, my good and faithful servant. Since you were faithful in small matters, I will give you great responsibilities. Come, share your master's joy.'"
