How do I Work at Forgiving Myself & Others?
FORGIVENESS
Forgiveness is hard work. So many emotions and desires pull at our heart when it comes to extending forgiveness - one them is the desire for justice. That makes total sense because we are "wired" for justice. God wired us to desire all that is good, true, beautiful. Every person, thus, desires justice to be served in unjust situations. How many times do we hear our children cry at very early ages, “But, Mom/Dad, that’s not fair!”? And—be honest—how many times do we catch ourselves thinking the same thing (God, this isn't fair) when we are faced with situations that go against our hopes, dreams or expectations. Any unmet desire, no matter how good, will usually result in some level of frustration, anger, and if unfulfilled long enough, it could lead to the sin of bitter resentment. That is why forgiveness is so important! But what are the limits of forgiveness? In the article from Catholic Answers, Jimmy Akin explains (press black button below to read article).
The good news is that we are not alone in this struggle to forgive others. God is right there with us!
Here are four stories of people who have extended or received forgiveness in seemingly impossible situations:
1st Story:
”When Allied soldiers found the Nazi concentration camp at Ravensbruck, where about ninety-two thousand women and children had died, they found a note tied to a rock that had been placed next to a dead woman and child. It is actually a prayer written by one of the women:
“O Lord, when I shall come with glory into your Kingdom, remember not only the men and women of good will; remember also those of ill will. But do not only remember the suffering they have inflicted on us. Remember the fruits we bought thanks to this suffering; our comradeship, our loyalty, our humility, the courage, the generosity, the greatness of heart which have become part of our lives because of our suffering here. May the memory of us not be a nightmare to them when they stand in judgment. When they come to judgment, let all the fruits that we have borne be their forgiveness. Amen. Amen. Amen” (Monsignor Charles M. Mangan, “Our Grave Obligation to Forgive” Catholic Online, January 29, 2006).
Where did she get this power? On her own it was not possible; even if she did the best she could do, she could never have prayed this prayer. Corrie Ten Boom, survivor of the Holocaust, shows us where the power comes from and at the same time how our small part - our obedient effort - is necessary:
2nd Story:
She and her family were arrested for hiding Jews in their Haarlem, Netherlands home. They were imprisoned and she and her sister, Betsie were eventually sent to Ravensbruck concentration camp where her sister died. Betsie’s example of selfless love and forgiveness amid extreme cruelty inspired Corrie to establish a postwar home for other camp survivors trying to recover from the horrors they experienced. She went on to travel widely as a missionary, preaching God’s forgiveness and the need for reconciliation. Her devout moral principles were tested when, by chance, she came face to face in 1947 with one of her former tormentors (from "The Hiding Place"):
“It was in a church in Munich that I saw him, a balding, heavy-set man in a gray overcoat, a brown felt hat clutched between his hands. People were filing out of the basement room where I had just spoken… And that’s when I saw him, working his way forward against the others. One moment I saw the overcoat and the brown hat; the next, a blue uniform and a visored cap with its skull and crossbones. It came back with a rush: the huge room with its harsh overhead lights, the pathetic pile of dresses and shoes in the center of the floor, the shame of walking naked past this man. I could see my sister’s frail form ahead of me, ribs sharp beneath the parchment skin. Betsie, how thin you were!
‘You mentioned Ravensbruck in your talk,’ he was saying: ‘I was a guard in there.’ No, he did not remember me.
‘But since that time,’ he went on, ‘I have become a Christian. I know that God has forgiven me for the cruel things I did there, but I would like to hear it from your lips as well, Fraulein…,’ his hand came out…’will you forgive me?’
And I stood there – I whose sins had every day to be forgiven – and could not. Betsie had died in that place – could he erase her slow terrible death simply for the asking?
It could not have been many seconds that he stood there, hand held out, but to me it seemed hours as I wrestled with the most difficult thing I ever had to do.
For I had to do it – I knew that. The message that God forgives has a prior condition: that we forgive those who have injured us. ‘If you do not forgive men their trespasses,’ Jesus says, ‘neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.’
And still I stood there with the coldness clutching my heart. But forgiveness is not an emotion – I knew that too. Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. ‘Jesus, help me!’ I prayed silently. ‘I can lift my hand, I can do that much. You supply the feeling.’
And so woodenly, mechanically, I thrust my hand into the one stretched out to me. And as I did, an incredible thing took place. The current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, sprang into our joined hands. And then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes.
“I forgive you, brother!’ I cried. ‘With all my heart!’
For a long moment we grasped each other’s hands, the former guard and the former prisoner. I had never known God’s love so intensely as I did then.”
3rd Story:
Many times we find it hard to forgive ourselves because of the pain and suffering that our sins and bad actions have caused others! One of the beautiful benefits of being Catholic is the sacrament of Reconciliation and the gift of penance. In a mysterious way, not only do we receive grace and healing when we receive this sacrament & follow it with acts of penance,, but so do the people we have hurt by our sins. Sometimes God allows us to get a glimpse of this like in the following testimony:
“When I lived in Dallas I attended a parish mission that forever changed my view of the sacrament of reconciliation. The priest wanted us to understand the far reaching effects of this sacrament as a channel of healing not only for ourselves but also for those people we have hurt by our sins. So he shared a story of man who had been drinking pretty heavily one night and had come very close to hurting his 3 year old daughter. The next day he had so much remorse that he became very fearful of himself and as a result he began to distance himself from her. His daughter had no idea what he had stopped short of doing to her but she began to suffer from the growing distance in their relationship. Over time their relationship was so bad that when she was 18 she left home and told him she would never see or talk to him again. About 10 years later this man could not take the guilt any longer. Although he had said he was sorry to God he never brought this sin to the sacrament of Reconciliation. After 25 years he finally went to confession and received absolution for this sin. Well, it didn’t take long for God to work. That night when he returned home his daughter, whom he hadn't talked to for ten years, called him and they reconciled.”
To learn more about this sacrament press the black button below:
4th Story:
Amish Grace & Forgiveness
Amish Girls Shot in an Amish School
Following the tragic Amish school shooting of 10 young schoolgirls in a one-room Amish school in October 2006, reporters from throughout the world invaded Lancaster County, PA to cover the story. (You can read the full story of the Amish school shooting here.) However, in the hours and days following the shooting a different, an unexpected story developed.
Amish Forgiveness in Response to School Shooting
In the midst of their grief over this shocking loss, the Amish community didn’t cast blame, they didn’t point fingers, they didn’t hold a press conference with attorneys at their sides. Instead, they reached out with grace and compassion toward the killer’s family.
The afternoon of the shooting an Amish grandfather of one of the girls who was killed expressed forgiveness toward the killer, Charles Roberts. That same day Amish neighbors visited the Roberts family to comfort them in their sorrow and pain.
Later that week the Roberts family was invited to the funeral of one of the Amish girls who had been killed. And Amish mourners outnumbered the non-Amish at Charles Roberts’ funeral.
It’s ironic that the killer was tormented for nine years by the pre-mature death of his young daughter. He never forgave God for her death. Yet, after he cold-bloodedly shot 10 innocent Amish school girls, the Amish almost immediately forgave him and showed compassion toward his family.
In a world at war and in a society that often points fingers and blames others, this reaction was unheard of. Many reporters and interested followers of the story asked, “How could they forgive such a terrible, unprovoked act of violence against innocent lives?”
What Does the Bible Say About Forgiveness?
The Amish culture closely follows the teachings of Jesus, who taught his followers to forgive one another, to place the needs of others before themselves, and to rest in the knowledge that God is still in control and can bring good out of any situation. Love and compassion toward others is to be life’s theme. Vengeance and revenge is to be left to God.
Read through some of the passages regarding Biblical forgiveness and love toward others and you’ll better understand how the Amish were able to forgive.
All of Lancaster County mourns the loss of these young girls and the terrible affect this has had on so many lives. We request your prayers for the families of the children who died, as well as those children and adults who have lived through this terrible ordeal. We also ask your prayers for the wife and three young children of the man who committed this senseless act. They, too, will have to live with this for the rest of their lives.
Below is a great video from Session 3 of the ALPHA Course: Why Did Jesus Die?
It is full of very moving testimonies about the power of forgiveness. Enjoy!
Do Mercy and Justice Contradict Each Other? Pope Francis Says No
When God is described in the Bible as being both merciful and just it can seem like an identity crisis, however Pope Francis said it’s the opposite: rather than contradicting each other, the two actually go hand in hand.
“Sacred Scripture presents us with God as infinite mercy, but also as perfect justice. How are these two things reconciled? How can the reality of mercy be articulated with the need for justice?” the Pope said Feb. 3.
While these two characteristics can seem like opposites, “in reality it's not like this, because it's precisely the mercy of God that brings the fulfillment of true justice,” Francis affirmed.
The Pope made his comments to pilgrims gathered in St. Peter’s Square for his weekly general audience. He recently began a new series of catechesis on the topic of mercy as it is understood in scripture, in honor of the Jubilee of Mercy.
He said that when we think of justice, what might come to mind is an administration office where victims of an injustice appeal to a judge in court asking that justice be done.
This, Francis noted, “is retributive justice, imposing a punishment to the guilty, according to the principle that each must be given what is due him.” While certain wrongs can be made right in this way, he said that it “still doesn't bring true justice.”
Instead, “it is only in responding with good that evil can be truly defeated,” the Pope said, explaining that what we find in the bible is path that teaches, allowing the offended person to approach the guilty party and invite them to conversion.